


because, honestly, a sketchbook is a diary

by BromocresolGreen



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Artist Steve Rogers, Awkwardness, Bittersweet Ending, F/M, M/M, Pining, Pining Steve, Steve Feels, Tony-centric, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 15:23:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5253269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BromocresolGreen/pseuds/BromocresolGreen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’ve never shown me this sketchbook,” It was much smaller than Steve’s usual book; small, solid black cover, maybe a Moleskine actually, not at all Steve’s usual bright blue nine-by-twelve mixed-media pad.<br/>The book is on the table now, Steve isn’t here, and Tony really wants to see what he’s drawn. He should wait until Steve gets back, but then again, Steve’s been weird about this, he’s just gonna tell Tony to wait, or be evasive about what he’s drawing. </p>
<p>Might as well just see what he has here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	because, honestly, a sketchbook is a diary

Tony steps up behind the couch, as close as he can get without him noticing and drawls: “What’re you drawing, Steve?”

  
Never one to disappoint, Steve slams his sketchbook shut—quite loudly, to be honest—and stammers, “Nothing important. Just a few sketches I started a while ago,”

  
“Come on, show me” Tony insists, “You’ve never shown me this sketchbook,” It was much smaller than Steve’s usual book; small, solid black cover, maybe a Moleskine actually, it looks like Pepper’s, except hers is green, not at all Steve’s usual bright blue nine-by-twelve mixed-media pad.

Unsurprisingly, Steve says “No”

“Steve,” Steve does not respond. “Steve. Steeeeve” Steve continues to not respond. “Steve, show me your drawings” And because he has the maturity of a teenager, Tony leans over the back of the couch to take the sketchbook from him. Steve leans just far enough that the sketchbook is out of reach.

“Tony, they’re awful. Who am I to make you look at my chicken scratch?”

“Bullshit. You’re fantastic. Now show me your drawings.” Tony insists, “Are they nudes? Is that why you’re not showing me? Are you hiding your nudes, Steve?”

“Yes, they’re nudes. I’m hiding my figure studies.” he answers. Steve moves to stand, but before he gets off the couch, Tony pushes himself onto his shoulders, and continues reaching for the sketchbook.

Predictably unperturbed, Steve stands up; Tony abandons his mad grab for the sketchbook to avoid falling to the ground. He clings to Steve in a graceful and dignified maneuver. Yep, totally dignified.

“They’re not finished. Remind me when I’m done.” Steve offers. That’s reasonable; Pepper does the same thing when she draws.

“Fine then. When you’re done, you show me your nudes” Tony lets go, and hops down, with grace and dignity, off of Steve’s shoulders to the floor. His heels click neatly on the tile.

“Remind me, or I’ll forget” and that’s bullshit, because, see, the serum gave him eidetic memory. But Tony isn’t going to call him on that, because Tony doesn’t need to be petty about this. No, shut up. He isn’t petty. Steve waves to him over his shoulder.

“See you around,”

“See you,” Tony replies. When he’s gone, Tony asks, “FRIDAY, does Pepper need a new sketchbook?”

“She’s running out of blank pages,” FRIDAY tells him.

“Order another one, will you? The same as what she already has,”

“Already done,”

“Grazie mille, FRIDAY”

* * *

 

So Tony doesn’t forget. He notices when Steve is drawing, in the living room, in the kitchen, in Tony’s workshop, but Steve’s gone back to hauling around the mixed-media pad. Steve, Tony is certain of, is hiding his Moleskine.

They’re probably not nudes, or at least, not figure studies. Steve has shown him, well, not shown exactly, but Steve hasn’t stopped him from going through his figure studies in the past. He has real talent, not just skill. Tony can draw, but really, all he does is blueprints for his inventions, and since JARVIS, now FRIDAY, barely even that. He can’t color, can’t shade, can’t use most of Steve’s fancy art supplies without ruining something (he’s not allowed to use Steve’s Copics anymore). Pepper is good at that. Well, Pepper’s thing is more art history, and managing Tony’s art collection, so she hasn’t had as much practice, but she’s good. For Tony, it’s just a skill; his talent is things off the paper.

If the sketches aren’t figure studies, maybe they’re porn. Steve would hide that kind of thing. He isn’t Tony.

* * *

 

Tony’s workshop becomes half a studio. Steve’s been bringing his sketchbook to sit and draw while Tony works for months now, and since she’s staying at the Tower for the week, Pepper’s brought her own paint and paper as well. It’s never all three of them for very long; FRIDAY alerts them of their other responsibilities, and one of them will inevitably leave. But it’s nice, having them around.

Steve’s been busy recently, Tony isn’t really sure what, so Steve hasn’t been in the workshop/studio very much. He shows up, stays for a while, the three of them, and then he’s gone again. But it’s nice spending time with Pepper.

* * *

 

“So you’re leaving me for sunny California?”

Pepper presses her face to Tony’s neck. “I’m leaving you for your company,” and it’s great that they can joke about this now, without Tony seriously wondering if she’d actually leave.

“Of course, you’re only here for the new tech I’ve designed,” He kisses her forehead.

“I never wanted anything else,” Her arms wind around his waist “I thought you knew”

“I love you,” he tells her. Pepper smiles, and then he smiles right back, and their little game is over.

“I love you,” she says. She rests her head on his chest, and he wonders if she can hear his heartbeat now that the arc reactor isn’t there. She’s started drawing it recently, in ink, over and over, determined to not forget the triangles within triangles. Steve did the same thing after he first saw it. Tony’s still a little smug that Steve was so impressed. Honestly, Tony’s just glad it didn’t upset either of them that a piece of machinery was keeping him alive.

“I’ll be back next month, but just for a meeting, and then” Pepper says, pulling away a bit to look at him.

“Am I allowed to visit?” Tony quirks his eyebrows at her, and she rolls her eyes at him.

“I expect you to visit,”

They kiss.

* * *

 

“Do you have plans for next week?” Steve asks.

“I’ve got a meeting about the new prototypes and dinner with Pepper on Tuesday, but nothing outside the usual” Tony answers. “Why do you ask?”

“The Metropolitan has a new exhibit up; they’ve got a set of Dali’s works for a few weeks, and I was hoping we could see it. Would Wednesday work?”  
Steve hates going alone, Tony feels the same way, but he’s fairly certain his reasons are different. Tony, without Steve or Pepper’s infectious enthusiasm, would die of boredom in an art museum. Steve, Tony assumes, would just feel lost without someone to go with.

“Wednesday is great!”

Steve smiles so genuinely.

* * *

 

“Tony, you’re late,”

“Hmn? What?”

“Tony, you’re late,” FRIDAY repeats.

“What time is it?”

Pepper interrupts “Almost eleven. You have two minutes to get ready and meet Steve downstairs,”

“Shit,” Tony kicks off the sheets, landing himself very gracefully on the floor, “Shit!”

Pepper is already awake and dressed, and likely has been for hours. How she can get up without waking him, Tony will never know. He runs straight to the closet, tripping over the sheets as he does. Pepper has already separated something for him to wear. Pepper is amazing. Pepper is an angel. Actually, he should tell her that.

“Pepper, you’re an angel,”

“Just don’t be late, Tony” she says.

He gets dressed hurriedly. Okay. Is there time for breakfast? Is there time, shit, no time, Tony cannot be late for Steve. He’s about to leave, and Pepper, the spectacular human being that she is, has a cup of coffee in her hands.

“I love you,” he says, taking the coffee from her, “and I love you too Ms. Potts,”

She kisses his cheek. “Now run. You know how Steve is when you’re late,”

He leaves, waving to her as he goes. In the elevator, he wishes he woke up earlier to send her off properly; she leaves for her flight in half an hour. He also wishes he wasn’t late, because he does know what Steve is like when he’s late.

“FRIDAY, if you send the elevator into freefall, will I get down on time?”

“Sorry, honey, you’ll wreck the brakes,” FRIDAY answers, “and, besides, you’ll spill your coffee,”

Tony can’t argue because coffee is a priority.

Steve is waiting for him down stairs, and Tony is very tempted to just walk back inside. Steve is waiting with two helmets, which means his bike is right outside. Oh god, is that helmet for Tony?

“You’re late,” Steve says, and he isn’t even mad, he’s just smirking like he expected this, and oh god, Tony is riding his motorcycle. “Put this on,”

Steve holds out a helmet, Tony refuses, saying “Yeah, no, Steve, we’re not, no. Not wearing this,”

Steve shrugs and puts on his own helmet, “Fine, ride without it,”

No. Nope. No. No. Steve drives as recklessly on his motorcycle as he does with Tony’s cars. He sighs. “FRIDAY, could you please?”

“Not a problem,” she replies, and the Iron Man helmet and face plate come flying. Steve is smirking.

“What?” Tony glares at him, “It’s safer than whatever mass-produced trash that is”

“Let’s just leave it here then,” Steve says, coolly, but doesn’t stop smirking. The second helmet stays inside.

* * *

 

Steve is more reckless on his motorcycle than in Tony’s cars. Tony holds onto his waist very firmly, and pretends Steve isn’t laughing.

* * *

 

The museum is nice. Steve narrates the entire time, telling Tony what he’s read about the artists, the techniques used, and how he can tell from looking, pointing out details. They have lunch after, at a small café a few blocks away. It’s nice, relaxing, and Tony never wants this to end, mainly because as soon as it does, they’re going back on Steve’s bike.

* * *

 

The bags are done, he is on time, he's early actually, just has to meet up with the pilot and he’s gone. It’s so much of a hassle; really, it would be easier to just fly the suit to California, though not as comfortable. He’s certain he can carry all the bags just fine, and it’s more fuel-efficient than the plane would be, but he still brings the suitcase armor along with the other bags, to load on the plane. Steve’s sitting in the common room, sketching in that little Moleskine of his. Tony would try to take it again if he wasn’t carrying so much already.

“Are you done with those sketches yet?” Tony asks.

Steve must’ve heard him come in, because he doesn’t even turn around. “Not yet,” he says, “so you can’t see anything just yet,”

“Steve! It’s been so long!” Tony complains, “What is it, do you sit all day doing nothing?”

Steve, thankfully, takes the joke for what it is. As seriously as possible, he says, “Yes, I do absolutely nothing the whole day,” he says, closing the sketchbook, “I sit here on this couch, like a rock, the whole day. I watch reality TV and alien history revisions. I am a responsible Avenger”

And its not funny, its ridiculous, Steve you aren’t funny, damn it.

Steve can’t keep a straight face anymore and they both start laughing.

He looks at Tony seriously now, but still smiling, “These drawings aren’t that important, so I’ve been focusing on other things, not really on this. It’s why you see me more with the other book, not this one,”

Tony drops his bags on the floor. Well, that was louder than expected. He flops down on the couch next to Steve. He asks, “So there’s nothing at all you can show me? Absolutely nothing?”

Steve does that thing with his face like he’s trying not to smile, but is still smiling. “Well, I might have something to show you,” he says theatrically. Steve flips through the pages,“You should ask when I have the other book; the work there is nicer,”

Steve stops and leaves the book open to show Tony one page of it. It’s a just sunflower; now, don’t misunderstand, it is a very skillful rendering of a still life piece, but a little anticlimactic given Steve’s secrecy with the book. The opposite page, however, has ink bleeding through in the rough shape of two people. Are they hugging, holding hands, what…

“Tony, don’t touch, you’ll smudge the pencil,” Steve holds the book away from him.

“Turn the page,” Tony says, “I want to see the other one,”

“That one isn’t finished,” Steve insists.

FRIDAY interrupts, “Tony, the pilot’s waiting for you,”

“Shit!” Tony’s late, dammit, he was on time, how does this even happen? “You work on that, Steve. I want them done when I get back,” Tony gets up and shoves his bags into the elevator.

Steve gives him a mock salute “Everything done when you get back,”

“Exactly,” Tony waves good-bye, and Steve does the same before the elevator door shuts.

* * *

 

“Pepper!”

“Tony.” Hm. Pepper is not nearly as enthused as she should be.

“Pepper! I’m here, and I’m not late!”

She smiles at that. Still not enthused. She needs coffee; he will get her coffee. “No Tony, you’re not late, but you will be,”

Tony stares at her. She presses her lips into a thin line; what did he do now?

“Your first meeting is in five minutes,”

Shit. When was that even scheduled? “Well let’s get moving,”

* * *

 

The morning takes forever. First is a meeting about the expansion into computers and mobile devices, and the service providers to go with them. The prototypes are well received, and the meeting goes smoothly. The presentation after about their clean energy endeavors goes just as smoothly, and it’s sooo boooring. He’s already done all this, now he has to do it again to show them, really, can’t they just read what he’s published? Like, seriously, they’ve made it this far in the industry; he’s fairly certain they can read. Lunch with Pepper is nice, always nice, and she’s a bit more relaxed now that she isn’t herding him to his responsibilities.

“There’s another meeting after this, with the Board, then tomorrow morning with finances, and you’re giving a speech for high school students in the afternoon. Wednesday we’re free, Thursday is mostly paperwork; I’ll tell you if that changes. Friday you have a meeting with a few doctors about our proposed expansion into prosthetics, and then you’re going back to New York that night,”

That doesn’t actually sound that bad. He can handle it.

* * *

 

Wednesday arrives like a blessing. Everything is so dull, and repetitive, and he really doesn’t need to be here. Ok, he is looking forward to the prosthetics thing, but the rest is so boring. He was just texting Steve and ignoring the presenters for most of it. He’s been in the new Malibu mansion for two days now, but hasn’t had the time to go down to his workshop until now, that’s how time consuming it is. DUM-E wheels right up to him when he arrives.

“Hey, DUM-E, how’ve you been?” Tony shakes hands with him. “You’re fine here without me?”

DUM-E lets go of his hand, and spins around neatly to show how fine he is.

“That’s good. Can you get the magnifying glass for me?” DUM-E goes. “Thank you,”

Tony goes down to his worktable; it’s strange seeing it so empty after sending all his things to New York. Yes, he brought his current projects with him, new magnetic gauntlets for Steve and co. a few things for SHIELD, and generator blueprints, but it still feels empty.

DUM-E returns with Tony’s reading glasses. OK, not bad. He’s been out of practice.

“Magnifying glass DUM-E, not glasses. No, don’t give them to me, but them back. No, stop it. DUM-E!”

DUM-E waves the glasses at him, and starts his alarm beeping when Tony refuses to take them.

“You beautiful disaster, I actually missed you,”

* * *

 

“Pepper, come with me,”

“No, Tony,”

“Pepper,” She doesn’t reply “Pepper. Pepper. Pepper,” How annoying can he be?

Pepper turns around, finally, and she’s smiling just enough that he knows he hasn’t actually upset her. He knows what she’s going to say before she says it; he had to ask anyway. He does every time.

“No. New York is you and the Avengers. I stay here, you know that,”

“Pepper,”

She doesn’t answer him, just leans against him, her face to his neck. His hands go to her back in response. She’s warm. They stay like that for a moment before Pepper pushes him away.

“You still have time before you have to go. Sit down a for bit,” she says, turning a way. He follows her to their room.

Tony ends up being late for his flight, but it was so worth it.

* * *

 

The book is on the table, Steve isn’t here, and Tony really wants to see what he’s drawn. He should wait until Steve gets back for it, really, Steve likes talking about his art. But then again, Steve’s been weird about this, he’s just gonna tell Tony to wait, or be evasive about what he’s drawing. Might as well just see what he has here.

Tony goes straight to the page with the sunflower, and to the page before it where the picture showed through the paper. It’s him and Pepper, dancing. He remembers this actually. Steve must’ve been watching them dance, then done it from memory. That’s actually really cool. The drawing is in ink, and there are a few spots where it has bled; it’s like Steve wet the paper, letting water fall drop by drop over the ink. It’s a cool effect, but it feels out of place here.

Tony flips back and starts at the beginning. Here its a few busts, of Bucky and of Natasha. Next page, a few sketches of Bruce and the Hulk, as if comparing their faces. After that, there’s a row of drawings matching the transformation of Bruce to the Hulk. Tony would never have the patience for something like that, its really cool. Maybe Steve would like to animate it. He’d have to talk to Steve about that later.

This book seems to be mostly pencil sketches of the team. There’s Tony, him in the workshop, him drinking coffee, and one of him asleep on the couch. Then there’s Clint and Thor, Tony, Natasha again, then Sam, and several full pages of his wings. Next is Tony in the suit, Peggy, a few people Tony can’t recognize, Bucky and his metal arm, Tony showing off the arc reactor. There’s a group sketch of all six of them smiling up from the page, then Tony in his swim trunks and that awful inflatable crab, a few cityscapes, Natasha asleep in her seat, and Tony eating breakfast, Tony sitting on his bed, Tony testing out his gauntlets, and Tony and Tony again. And then there’s Tony and Steve.

Steve never meant to show him the sketches. Tony is certain of this, his hands feeling cold as he turns the page.

Steve smiles at him in the drawing, and in the drawing, he’s smiling back. They’re at the museum, they’re on Steve’s bike, they’re in Tony’s car, they’re holding hands, they’re—

“Tony?”

Tony only skims through the next pages, and they’re all the same, oh god, they’re all the same, and then it’s the ink portrait of himself and Pepper, with the weird wrinkled bits where the paper was wet, and Tony feels sick, feels absolutely sick, this was private, he wasn’t supposed to see

“Tony, is that my—” Steve gasps.

Tony hadn’t even realized he walked in, but he’s here, shit, his face is going blotchy, eyes red.

“I’m so sorry, I never meant to make you uncomfortable, I’m—”

“I’m sorry, Steve” Tony interrupts. How could he sound so dull? He feels anything but, “I shouldn’t have looked through your sketchbook without your permission,” He closes the book and hands it back to Steve. He takes it.

“It’s oh-okay,” Steve says. He isn’t crying, but his eyes have gone glassy, and he’s sniffling, oh shit. “Please don’t do it again,”

“I won’t,”

Steve takes a deep shuddery breath. “Thank you,”

Tony’s about to leave, but he says, “I am sorry,” then hesitates just long enough before saying, “I really am,” that he thinks Steve understood what he meant.

**Author's Note:**

> Also check out my [Tumblr](http://bromocresol0green.tumblr.com/)


End file.
